


yeah

by katrinawritesthings



Series: nut au [1]
Category: SHINee
Genre: Fluff, M/M, NB, Trans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 20:39:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14723214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katrinawritesthings/pseuds/katrinawritesthings
Summary: when ur tryna nut but then someone knocks on ur doortw for queer being used as a slur onceWhen Kibum opens the door and slips inside, shower damp hair clipped up to dry, Taemin moves his hand to settle just under the blankets near his stomach. He can still feel the evidence on his fingers so he quietly rubs them together and against the blanket to get it off.tumblrtwitter poll





	yeah

Taemin breathes deeply as he pushes his head back against his pillow, left arm thrown over his eyes to block out the light and the other under the blankets and in his sweats. His hand is kind of cramped by now but he doesn’t stop his middle finger’s little circles and taps over his clit. He’s got a steady thing going, working his way slowly up to a nice and lazy orgasm, with thoughts of skating fast and eating ass firm in his imagination. His hips roll up slowly as he pushes his finger lower to collect more wetness before bringing it back up. This is nice. Like, really nice. Nicer than a sudden, boredom-induced, three-in-the-afternoon rub session normally is. His tongue comes out to wet his lips and--

 

A knock on the bedroom door interrupts his concentration. He starts with a sharp inhale, eyes snapping open against his arm. He moves it away and blearily blinks the room into focus. His other hand stops it’s movements between his legs as well as a quiet voice comes through the door.

 

“Taem?” it asks, and it’s Kibum, sounding so small and vulnerable, and Taemin quickly snatches his hand out of the covers. “Can I come in?” Kibum asks.

 

“Uh,” Taemin says. Fuck. He glances at his hand, grimaces at the slickness of it, and sticks it back under the blankets. He hurriedly tries to wipe it clean on the inside of his sweats as he wiggles to sit up a little bit more against the pillows, the wetness between his legs suddenly much more noticeable and uncomfortable. His laptop he taps awake from where it had fallen asleep a few minutes ago on the paused cooking video he was watching before he started getting himself off. “Yeah,” he calls quickly. Totally smooth. Super casual.

 

When Kibum opens the door and slips inside, shower damp hair clipped up to dry, Taemin moves his hand to settle just under the blankets near his stomach. He can still feel the evidence on his fingers so he quietly rubs them together and against the blanket to get it off.

 

“What’s up?” he asks curiously as Kibum shuffles quietly to the bed, thumb and pointer finger nibbled between his lips. That’s one of his rare signs of insecurity so Taemin can tell this is going to be important.

 

“You know how,” Kibum mumbles, clambering over the mattress and wiggling under the covers next to Taemin. “Last week,” he says, “when something was bothering me, and you asked if something was bothering me, but I said nothing was bothering me, so you left me alone?”

 

“Um,” Taemin says. “Yeah.” He remembers that. He clenches his hands awkwardly in the blankets. Heck. “You lied about that?” he asks.

 

“I mean,” Kibum says. “Maybe.” He shrugs guiltily and Taemin flops heavily on his shoulder. What the fuckie.

 

“Remember when I said I was bad at reading emotions and if I was actually right about something then let me know because otherwise I’d start doubting myself too much again?” he pouts. “If you were feeling bad but just didn’t want to talk you should have just said that.”

 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Kibum sighs. He leans against Taemin as well, head pressing against his chest. “I’ll do it next time. But--right now.” He lifts his head up and leans back against the pillows. “I feel like I wanna talk about it right now,” he says.

 

“Oh,” Taemin says. Oh. “Okay then,” he says, gently lifting his laptop and placing it on his bedside table. He draws his knees to his chest and rests his cheek on them, blinking at Kibum in what he hopes is a comforting way. “Go ahead,” he says. He’s super ready to be caring and supportive. Kibum is silent for a little longer, picking at the chipped blue polish on his nails, before he sighs again.

 

“Okay, so,” he mumbles. “Remember that video we put out the other day, the skit about fashion?”

 

“Mmhmm,” Taemin hums. He isn’t subbed to Kibum’s company because they put out too many videos but he did watch the most recent one with Kibum in it. “You looked really good,” he says, nudging his babe’s shoulder. “The big jacket and the long hair. The kinda queer androgynous look and the makeup. I liked it.” It was fun and colorful and individualistic. “It kinda looked like something you would wear, like, as an everyday thing,” he adds. “A friendly enby.”

 

“Okay, yeah, but, like,” Kibum says. “It was supposed to be a joke?” He looks to Taemin like Taemin is supposed to know what he’s talking about; Taemin pouts and nuzzles his cheek into his knee. If it was he didn’t pick up on it.

 

“You know I’m not good at, like, subtext stuff either,” he mumbles. Usually he has to watch something a few times and then spend an hour on the wiki before he gets to the “complex analysis” parts of things. He just watched the video once because Kibum was cute in it.

 

“Okay, well, it was,” Kibum says. He bunches up the blanket in his hands under his chin, frowning at his legs under it. “It was supposed to be, like. ‘Ha ha wow, look at all of this ridiculous shit this person is wearing. Only a fucking freak would wear this and be confident in it,’ but it was like,  _obviously_ coded shit. Like, they put together a stereotypically nonbinary outfit and made  _me_  be the person to wear it while they mocked it.”

 

“Oh,” Taemin says. Now that he hears it that way, yeah, he can see it. He pauses to remember the rest of the video; everyone else’s lines and reactions to what Kibum was wearing. None of it was very nice, he thinks. He wiggles closer to Kibum and slings his arm over him in a lazy hug. “Gross,” he mumbles.

 

“Yeah,” Kibum says back. “And it’s like. I’m not. The best. At staying in the closet.” He takes Taemin’s hand to hold under his chin instead, long fingers wrapped around his wrist. “Like, I’m in there at work, but I say things, and I talk and act a certain way that, I mean, yeah, is kind of stereotypically not cishet, but it’s like. So the fuck what, you know?” He squeezes Taemin’s wrist with a huff. “Maybe I fucking like glitter and flashy hair and whatever because it’s fun and I’m not trying to reject things that are fun just because they’re stereotypes, you know?”

 

“Mmhmm,” Taemin hums. He knows.

 

“But, like,” Kibum continues. “All that does is set off their gaydar--which their cishet fucking goblin asses don’t even have because the straights can’t have gaydar in the first place--but what I mean is like. It just rings all of their little stereotype bells in their heads that ping me as  _obviously not one of them._

 

“And then they make me do this shit, where they mock me and who they think I am, but because I’m not actually out, they can at the same time act like we’re all just cishet buddies making fun of those ugly queers--sorry,” he says quickly when Taemin winces at the word used that way. Taemin nods his head that it’s fine and Kibum goes right back into his little rant. “And if I do come out, to tell them that they’re assholes, then it’s like I’m telling them that they were right about me and confirming all of their stereotypes and making them think their gaydar is real,” he scowls.

 

“So it’s like, they know I’m a giant queer babe, so they make me be the butt of a fucking joke that they  _know_  I can’t speak out against because of the fear of coming out that  _they cause_ with shit like fucking  _this,_ and it’s just one big fucking spiral--a _spiral_ because this isn’t the first time they’ve fucking done this to me--a spiral of shame and me feeling like shit and them patting themselves on the back for being masters of edgy comedy and I’m fucking- _-tired_ of it.”

 

His nails are digging little crescent moons into Taemin’s skin by this point, but Taemin doesn’t really mind. He scoots even closer and rests his head on Kibum’s shoulder, cheek smushing up against it.

 

“That’s garbage,” he says, mumbles the words against Kibum’s shirt.

 

“Yeah,” Kibum grumbles. Taemin presses a tiny kissie to his shoulder for comfort.

 

“But you know they’re wrong,” he says. “And you know you’re not a joke.” He knows that Kibum knows this. If he didn’t know it then he wouldn’t have been able to explain it all out in such detail.

 

“Yeah, but,” Kibum sighs. “Does everyone that watched the video know it?” he asks. “And anyone that will ever watch it again in the future? And all of my little enby goober fans online that like me and look up to me because their actual real gaydar says that I’m one of them? Except now I just betrayed them by being a part of that?”

 

“You didn’t  _betray_ them,” Taemin says. He moves from Kibum’s shoulder to half flop into his lap, something that’s not exactly comfortable but is comforting, and slides his arms around Kibum’s waist. “Like, yeah, you were in it, but you just explained exactly why you couldn’t reject it. And you have your instagram still,” he adds. Kibum’s personal instagram is like. Fifty percent outfits of the day and fifty percent justice things. He’s passive aggressively posted enby positivity posts immediately after his company posts shitty videos before and he can do it again. “All the fans like you will be able to tell,” he says. “They know what the closet is.”

 

“Mmmh,” Kibum hums. He hums louder, sighs, slumps so he’s bent over Taemin and half squishing him. “You’re right,” he mumbles. He squeezes Taemin, nuzzles his shoulder, sighs again, and sits up straight. “You’re right,” he says again. “I’m gonna post so many queergender looks and shit. It’ll be great.” His voice has that tone that it usually gets when he’s about to start something big and Taemin grins. Nice. Sitting up straight himself, he pats Kibum’s thigh gently to show support. Kibum smiles warmly at him as he lifts a hand to check that his hair clips didn’t get messed up.

 

“Thanks, Taem,” he says. “I feel better.” Taemin smiles back. He’s glad. All he wants to do is help his babes. “By the way,” Kibum says as he pushes the blankets off of him. “Your hand smells like vagina.”

 

 _“WOW,_  okay--” Heat flashes all the way up into Taemin’s head immediately as Kibum cocks a brow at him. He huffs, then huffs again, and then a third time because he still can’t think of anything in reply to this. His right hand he slides back under the covers to hide the evidence.

 

“I’m--I’m here, help--list--help--I’m help--I’m _here,_ ” he stutters and says, waving his other hand to exemplify just how  _here_ he is.  _“Helping_ you, and listening to you, and caring about you, and _loving you,_ and you just--you say th--you _expose_ me, and I did not ask, and I do not  _believe._ ” He does not believe. He presses his clean hand to his cheeks in the hopes of cooling them down, but his hand is just as warm as the rest of him. Kibum finishes getting off of the bed and straightens out his shirt.

 

“If I had to sit here and smell your vagina hand this whole time, I get to call you out on it,” he says.

 

“Oh my fucking god,” Taemin mutters. That is not fair in the slightest.

 

“Later, vagina boy,” Kibum says, turning to walk out of the room with a wave over his shoulder. Taemin huffs at his back extra loudly for reasons he doesn’t fully understand himself and aggressively wiggles under his blankets to be in the darkness with his shame.

**Author's Note:**

> #listen taekey is important nd kibum talking about his Feelings is important nd taem being a helpful listener is important  
> #and kibum calling taem out for being a vagina gremlin is Very Important  
> #taem grumbles and then kinda... just... finishes... what he was doing....  
> #nd then washes his hands nd goes out to flop on kibum nd bug him  
> #kibums puttin together some Looks for his instagram  
> #nd findin some Good Posts  
> #his fans know what the closet is nd none of them are Mad nd its good  
> #this was supposed to be mostly just the vagina hand thing and then the Kibums Problems thing got rly long so it feels kind of off but u kno  
> #w/e


End file.
